Tag Archives: fear

Walk Away…My Thought for the Day…June 17, 2019

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June 17, 2019

“Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able is courage. Walking away with your head held high is dignity.”
Ritu Ghatourey


Wisdom to Walk Away

Sometimes it is easier to stay in a situation that is not good for us than to cut our losses and walk away.  Knowing when to walk away is almost the hardest part.  Many times, you are throwing out safety and security in hopes of something better.  Much like our pioneering predecessors who gambled everything to come to America or any other colony in hopes for a better life.  Knowing when the time is right, that is hard.  Hopefully, we choose the time, and the time is not chosen for us.

Courage to Do So

So now you know the time is right to walk away, the next hard part is mustering the courage to actually walk away.  But you are 1/3 of the way there!  You at least have made that decision.  Now is the time to get your proverbial ducks in a row, of how you will get along after you have left if you haven’t already.  Once you have a solid plan, or any plan for that matter, the courage part is much easier.  It is not so much like stepping off a cliff then!

Dignity in the Aftermath

Now you’ve made our decision, you’ve made your plan.  Now is the time to walk away with dignity.  Even if you don’t feel it, fake it.  Walk away with your head held high and a smile on your face.  You will be ok.  New adventures and opportunities await, you have cleared the space for them to arrive.

Forward!…My Thought for the Day…June 12, 2019

forward
June 12, 2019

“Don’t let the past steal your present.”

-Terri Guillemets


Forward!

How do we keep moving forward when seemingly immobilized by the past?  Whenever I see this particular quote, I think of another, “Past performance is not indicative of future results.”  It makes me laugh a little.

But it is still hard to not be influenced by the past.  The key is balance, use the past as a tool to make a decision, but only as a tool.  Don’t let it overwhelm you where you are frozen and unable to make a decision.

I speak of this from extensive experience of being frozen and unable to make a decision.  Which I am finding is another symptom of Asperger’s.  And speaking of being frozen, the next quote I am reminded of is “Not to decide is to decide.” by Harvey Cox.  I can still see it plainly boxed out in a sidebar in my religion textbook from catholic grade school.  Funny it has stuck with me all these years; it must be important!

So how do we use the past simply as tool, and not let it steal our present?  I wish I knew!  Maybe simply being aware that this is a possibility?  Simply being aware when you go into that frozen state and realizing what is happening.  That you are being immobilized by the past, which is over, and really has no direct bearing on the now.

And finally, another quote I am reminded of, “Awareness is the first step…”  Yes, I suppose awareness IS the first step.  Only by being aware of our weaknesses can we move forward.

 

Courage Is a Muscle …My Thought for the Day…May 31, 2019

Courage Is a Muscle suzygoebel.com/blog
May 31, 2019

“We don’t develop courage by being happy every day.  We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”

Barbara De Angelis


Courage Is a Muscle

Courage is a muscle.  And like any muscle, it needs to be developed and used or it can go flabby.  When we survive a difficult time or challenge adversity, generally we can feel proud of that and it helps to grow our courage.

But what about the not so difficult times?  I have found in my life, as I have settled into my own comfortable routine, that my courage muscle has gone flabby.  Things I once wouldn’t have batted an eye at seem to scare me more now than ever.  I was talking to my sister earlier and lamenting how the older you get the goofier you get, and she agreed!

Challenge the Fear

So, what is the answer?  Well, you can stay afraid and hide in routine and safe pursuits, or you can challenge your fears.  I don’t mean skydiving or bungee jumping, but if that’s what you want to do, more power to you!

I am thinking more baby steps to start.  Identify a small fear you may have, be it going to a crowded store, or driving on the highway.  Then play it out in your mind, like you are actually doing it.  How do you feel?  A little anxious?  That’s ok!  Do you think maybe you could challenge this fear and go for that drive?  How about you set a limit, such as, ‘I will get on the highway and drive, but I will allow myself, no questions asked, to get off at the nearest exit if I need to’.  And see how it goes.  You might find you don’t want to get off, and that driving can be fun.

Either way, be gentle with yourself, the fears are very real.  And every step you take to conquer them are a victory, and should be celebrated as such.  If you can tackle one small fear a day, or every couple of days you will find your courage growing like the muscle it is!  And if not, again, be gentle with yourself, you will when you are ready.

What small fear will you conquer today?

Look Fear in the Face…My Thought for the Day…May 20, 2019

Look Fear in the Face Riddikulus suzygoebel.com/blog
May 20, 2019

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'”

Eleanor Roosevelt


Look Fear in the Face

How do we look fear in the face?  Maybe it is the simple acknowledgement or recognition of the fear.  Then simply carrying on instead of letting that fear turn us into a puddle.  We can hardly compare the horrors of today to the horrors of the Great Depression and World War II.  But fear is just as real and relevant for us today, as it always has been.  Real or imagined, fear has a psychological power over us.

My favorite thing to think of when contemplating fear is from the Harry Potter books, the Boggart-Banishing spell.  A Boggart in the Harry Potter world takes on the form of your worst fear to defeat you or stop you.  The spell to defeat the Boggart is spoken out loud as Riddikulus’, thus rendering the Boggart into a ridiculous form that you can laugh at. Which is then ultimately powerless over you.  The idea is to laugh at the Boggart, laugh at your fear and the fear becomes powerless over you.

Most of our fears when we truly look at them are ridiculous, even if they don’t feel that way.   But facing them, acknowledging them is definitely the first step.  If you can go a step further and make them comical even better!

So, try saying it, or at least think it, Riddikulus’!!   I guarantee it can take some of the weight out your fear.

 

Go Forth and Make a Difference…My Thought for the Day…April 24, 2019

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April 24, 2019

“There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world:

those who are afraid to try and

those who are afraid you will succeed.”

Ray Goforth


Naysayers

Naysayers.  We all have them in our lives.  You know the ones.  You come to them buoyant with your ideas and they shoot you down and deflate you, for no concrete reason.  The ones who say you can’t make a difference in this world.  The ones who detract you from trying to make a difference.  And don’t even really give you a good reason for it.

Some of these people come from a place of misguided “love” and they shoot you down out of their fears of failure. In their minds, they just want to spare you the pain disappointment. This type of discouragement hurts. But in a weird way, it does come from a place of love, and it is not malicious. Have the strength to say, ‘thank you for your input, but I think I’m still gonna give it a go,’ and walk away.

The other kind is not so easy.  That naysayer that comes from a malicious place.  We all know some of those too!  They are the ones who get a boost when they shoot you down, and probably feel a sick sense of accomplishment from it.  Why do they do it?  There could be a multitude of reasons.  Usually low self-esteem is part of it.  If you succeed, in their minds, you become better than them, and that can’t happen.

They also may be coming from a place of deep unhappiness about their lives and want to drag you down as well.  Either way, it is best to figure out who these types of people are in your life and just steer clear of them.  Hold your dreams and aspirations close to your heart and don’t share them until you have to, hopefully by then you are a success.

Go Forth and Make a Difference!

In the meantime, if you can, surround yourself with supportive people.  But if you can’t, try to fill your life with positive things and steer clear of negativity.  Listen to uplifting podcasts, read uplifting words (like these 😉), and view uplifting media.  As you become a more positive person, you will begin to attract more positive people in your life.  It happens, it just may take some time.

So, go forth and make a difference.  Don’t listen to the naysayers unless they have something truly substantive to say, and they usually don’t.

Courage to Conquer a Fear…My Thought for the Day…April 17, 2019

suzygoebel.com/blog Courage to Conquer a Fear
April 17, 2019

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

– Nelson Mandela


Courage to Conquer a Fear

Everybody has fears, they are a natural part of life.  Fear is our body’s way of trying to keep us safe and not eaten by a lion or shunned by the group that helps us to stay alive.  Fear is hard wired into us.  Unfortunately, fear can get blown out if proportion.

Finding the courage to conquer a fear is no easy task.  Most of us will not find that courage, and that fear will just get avoided and pushed into the backs of our minds until confronted with the fear again.  So, no judgement here, I am just as guilty.  Irrational fears and me go way back!

But finding the courage to conquer a fear is always a victory, no matter how small.  And courage to confront your fears is like a muscle.  The more you exercise it, the stronger and the easier it becomes.  And before you know it, you will have the confidence to confront another fear.

Have a great Wednesday!

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My Thought for the Day…April 4, 2019…Take the First Step!

 

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just to take the first step.”

– Martin Luther King, Jr.


Take the First Step

It is easy to fall into that state of mind of fear or paralysis when contemplating starting something new because we can’t see the entire path, process, or outcome. It usually takes a leap of faith, just start and assume all will be well and things will fall into place, easier said than done, right?

We do this every day if you think about it. We get in our cars and assume they will take us to our destinations. Most of us have no idea how they work, they just do, and we assume we will safely get where we want to go, and we do.

Taking the first step can also be a barometer, the proverbial toe in the water… Just because you take a step in a new direction doesn’t commit you to that new direction, you might just be feeling the waters so to speak. But if you are paralyzed with fear, you may never know if this was a feasible option for you, or not. It might linger in your mind as a “could have been”, you will never know.

So, give it a chance and take the first step, whatever it might be. Do some research, take a class, talk it out with a trusted friend, or consult an expert in the field. Just knowing you tried puts you ahead of most people.

Have a great Thursday!

 

My Thought for the Day…March 26, 2019

“Life has no remote.  Get up and change it yourself.”

-Mark A. Cooper

I just love this quote!  I found it by just searching for uplifting quotes on the internet like usual, but became intrigued by, just who is this guy?  Is he a motivational speaker?  Is he an industry magnate?  Turns out, he writes fiction for young adults. This particular quote is from Operation Einstein from the Edelweiss Pirates series which is set during World War II in Nazi Germany.  https://markacooper.com/edelweiss-pirates

I was totally going to buy whatever book this awesome quote came from, until I actually found out what book it actually came from.

In short, Nazis. Freak. Me. Out.

They always have.  Even as a small child, watching The Sound of Music I became terrified when the Nazi part started.  To this day, if I watch it, I turn it off at that part!  Every time I see something Nazi-related (like all Indiana Jones movies) a huge fear in the pit of my stomach rises, and I really can’t explain why.

Sure, their leaders and agenda were evil and sadistic, but I didn’t experience it.  But sometimes, I viscerally feel like it I did.  Sometimes, I think a past life is the only way to explain it.

And does this tie in with yesterday’s post about facing your fears?  Possibly…probably…  Maybe the universe is trying to tell me it is time to conquer this fear once and for all in the safe space of kid’s book.

How scary could that be?

Well, off to buy a book, have a great Tuesday, a transformational Tuesday that is…😉

My Thought for the Day…March 25, 2019

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence, by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face…

We must do that which we think we cannot.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

I used to have a mantra, if it scares me, that means I need to do it. But the older I get, the harder it is to remain true to that. The older I get, the more fearful I get. Is it because I have so much more to lose now?

Regardless, fear is usually a barometer, an indicator of what you need to look at in your life. Of course, if a tiger is chasing you, i.e., justifiable fear, run! The kind of fear I am talking about is the nebulous sort of fear deep in the pit of your stomach or heart, the kind that won’t kill you, at least right away. But festering fear goes hand in hand with stress, which will kill you eventually.

The truth is, I have found, a fear conquered is another feather in your cap, where you can proudly say “I did that!” Even if you don’t act on your fears, just looking at them and questioning them is a great start. Sometimes just shining a light on the fear makes it seem much less scary that it previously seemed.

Have a great Monday!

My Thought for the Day…March 22, 2019

“You can motivate by fear, you can motivate by reward, but both those methods are only temporary.  The only lasting thing is self motivation.”

-Homer Rice

I once worked at company that decided to adopt the strategy of motivation by fear.   It may have seemed effective on the surface, but morale became terribly eroded.  The once friendly and family like environment turned into a tense and uncomfortable place to be.  The fear was palpable.

Everybody was worried about their “number,” it was so bad people, were afraid to hydrate themselves properly throughout the day because going to the bathroom took precious time and impacted the “number.”  Even jobs that weren’t originally so “number” based became all about that elusive number.

Veterans with years of tribal knowledge were no longer valued for their contributions unless they could make their “number,” and even then, they really weren’t valued.  The writing was on the wall, younger, disposable workers were obviously preferred.  Older workers were not.  Some tried to apply out to other jobs and were continually blocked and demoralized into submission, sometimes only for the company to accrue enough “evidence” to finally let them go.

It was, and still is a horrible tragedy and a gross waste of human talent and potential.

I saw the writing on the wall, and I found as time went on, I could not continue to watch and experience this sort of treatment of once valued human beings, who were only viewed as “numbers” now.   So yes, I finally got out, the hope that I would finally be seen again as a valuable employee finally left me altogether.  I decided to go back to school and learn a new skill, web development.  Of course, I still second guess myself, could I have made it work?  But my husband can answer that question for you, he says that I am finally smiling again, I am no longer a bare wire.  That it is so nice that I am not so hyper vigilant with fear and paranoia anymore, that less money is better than living with that again.

So how do you motivate people to work for you, to give you their absolute best?  I am lucky, I also experienced this at that very same company years earlier.  Respect, simple respect is all it takes.  I had bosses that demonstrated just that, bosses who respected our talents and contributions, but also realized as humans we would have our off days, and that was ok, because most days were on.  Bosses I came to respect so much that had they asked me to clean a toilet, I would have, because they were the type of bosses who would never ask you to do something they themselves would not do.

I guess that is my litmus test.  That is the type boss that I would aspire to be, to motivate with pure respect and to not ask my employees to do things I myself wouldn’t be willing to do if necessary.