Tag Archives: realization

Forward!…My Thought for the Day…June 12, 2019

forward
June 12, 2019

“Don’t let the past steal your present.”

-Terri Guillemets


Forward!

How do we keep moving forward when seemingly immobilized by the past?  Whenever I see this particular quote, I think of another, “Past performance is not indicative of future results.”  It makes me laugh a little.

But it is still hard to not be influenced by the past.  The key is balance, use the past as a tool to make a decision, but only as a tool.  Don’t let it overwhelm you where you are frozen and unable to make a decision.

I speak of this from extensive experience of being frozen and unable to make a decision.  Which I am finding is another symptom of Asperger’s.  And speaking of being frozen, the next quote I am reminded of is “Not to decide is to decide.” by Harvey Cox.  I can still see it plainly boxed out in a sidebar in my religion textbook from catholic grade school.  Funny it has stuck with me all these years; it must be important!

So how do we use the past simply as tool, and not let it steal our present?  I wish I knew!  Maybe simply being aware that this is a possibility?  Simply being aware when you go into that frozen state and realizing what is happening.  That you are being immobilized by the past, which is over, and really has no direct bearing on the now.

And finally, another quote I am reminded of, “Awareness is the first step…”  Yes, I suppose awareness IS the first step.  Only by being aware of our weaknesses can we move forward.

 

Fix the Environment…My Thought for the Day…June 10, 2019

fix the environment suzygoebel.com/blog
June 7, 2019

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”
Alexander Den Heijer


Fix the Environment?

So, I am intimately acquainted with this quote.  I have been in many situations where, I, the flower, was not blooming as I should.  And the remedy was always to fix me, the flower, rather than address the possibility that the environment might not be the best for me.

I have not had the easiest time in my professional life, or personal life for that matter!  I recently sought help from the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation.  DVR is a state agency tasked with helping people with disabilities find and keep employment.  I have a long history of major depression which makes me eligible for services from them, so I thought, why not?  Maybe they can help me.  I brought up to my counselor that I thought I might be bipolar, and I didn’t think depression was the only thing going on.  She agreed and authorized a comprehensive psychological assessment.

So, I have had these assessments before, but stupid me always lied on them, because, well, I didn’t want to be crazy.  So, this time, I decided to be fully honest and answer all the questions to the best of my ability, since I am not getting any younger or any better for that matter.  If anything, certain struggles are getting worse as I get older.

Results

Last week Thursday was my follow up appointment to get the findings.  Turns out, I am both bipolar AND autistic!!  High functioning autism to be clear (formerly known as Asperger’s Syndrome), I sure didn’t see that coming.  But it does make a lot of sense.  It is unfortunate I didn’t find this out when I was younger so I could better address the issues and problems my conditions present.

I’m still in a little shock.  A little sad.  Ok a lot of sad.  I feel I have wasted my life at this point, just floundering on the beach like a washed-up fish.  A little scared too.  Not that this diagnosis really changes anything, I am still the person I always was, and it is not a death sentence.  But I am finally realizing I will most likely never be successful in the world of work and no matter how intelligent and how much education I get.  I am just not able to cope with professional situations the way most people are.

I can ‘chameleon’ for only so long, then I get exhausted and the masks come off. I need more time off than most due to this disorder, and most people can’t understand that.  Even my husband doesn’t understand my need for downtime, or I lose it and melt down.  At least I know why I meltdown now!

We all know meltdowns at work are never a good thing.  I believe the longest job I ever held was only due to the large amount of vacation time I had which I also needed to supplement with unpaid time off (FMLA).  Which obviously raised many an eyebrow and hindered my ability to move on to other positions.

Next Steps…

So, where do I go from here?  I am not sure yet.  The doctor said my DVR counselor is really good and can help me immensely, hopefully, this is the case!  Now, I will just start researching more about what it means to be on the autism spectrum and how to cope with that.  I will try to fix my environment because I guess there is no way to fix me!  And maybe have a drink or 3.

I also now know why I was bullied at school and at work.  So, to all the people out there that have ever thought I was off or weird, I guess you were right!  I am going to have to learn to be proud to say…

 

 

So suck it!

Doubts Are a Funny Thing…My Thought for the Day…April 12, 2019

suzygoebel.com/blog Doubts Are a Funny Thing
April 12, 2019

“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.”
-Franklin D. Roosevelt


Doubts Are a Funny Thing

Doubts are a funny thing.  One the one hand they are good, serving as a barometer.  Having doubts shows you are questioning and reasoning, working things out, using your mind.  But doubts can also take over all reasonable thinking and cripple us into inaction.  Or worse, cause us to abandon an idea, goal, or project prematurely.

The key is to use the tool of doubt, but not to let it use you.  Easier said than done!  When I have doubts, I find it is helpful to talk them out with a trusted friend.  Getting them out of my head and allowing someone else to help me dissect them is really helpful.   In the absence of a good friend, just writing about them helps to, and helps to clarify what the next steps are.

Doubts are just a red flag our wonderful brains throw up to alert us that we might not have thought something through enough.    Doubts encourage us to explore further, sometimes finding a better path to our goals we had not previously considered.  Doubts also can signal that we are on the wrong path entirely, and that’s ok too.  Use your doubts as a tool, don’t let them use you!

Have a great weekend!

 

 

 

My Thought for the Day…April 3, 2019…Your Calling

suzygoebel.com/blog
April 3, 2019

“Your calling isn’t something that somebody can tell you about. It’s what you feel. It is the thing that gives you juice. The thing that you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that it is. You know it inside yourself.”

Oprah Winfrey


Your Calling

I have always admired those who knew what their calling was and were doing it.  I have been on a mad search for mine for as long as I can remember.  “That thing that gives you juice.”

The only thing I ever remember giving me “the juice” was creating something visual, drawing, painting, sculpture, digital art.  I am hesitant to call it art, I guess, but that is my own baggage…

That was the place where I was happiest and would find I would lose time.  Forget to eat and drink even.  But I had long since written that off as something “acceptable,” that I could actually do for a living.

I now find creating these graphics for this blog gives me immense pleasure and satisfaction, now if I can just find a way to make them pay the bills!

Have a great Wednesday!

 

My Thought for the Day…March 28, 2019

suzygoebel.com/blog

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”

-Melody Beattie

Today’s quote is a good reminder for me about the effectiveness of gratitude in my life.  When I am feeling down, just the simple act of recognizing something, anything, I am grateful for can begin to turn my attitude around.

Sometimes, when I am very feeling very low, it is hard to see things to be grateful for, but this is just a fallacy in my thinking, a symptom of being down.

There are an infinite amount of things to be grateful for, such as eyes to see and ears to hear, hands to hold, and arms to hug.  And that’s just the tippy tip of the iceberg.  Once I get going, it can become hard to stop!

Before I know it I am not feeling down or sorry for myself anymore and happy again!

Have a great Thursday!

My Thought for the Day…March 22, 2019

“You can motivate by fear, you can motivate by reward, but both those methods are only temporary.  The only lasting thing is self motivation.”

-Homer Rice

I once worked at company that decided to adopt the strategy of motivation by fear.   It may have seemed effective on the surface, but morale became terribly eroded.  The once friendly and family like environment turned into a tense and uncomfortable place to be.  The fear was palpable.

Everybody was worried about their “number,” it was so bad people, were afraid to hydrate themselves properly throughout the day because going to the bathroom took precious time and impacted the “number.”  Even jobs that weren’t originally so “number” based became all about that elusive number.

Veterans with years of tribal knowledge were no longer valued for their contributions unless they could make their “number,” and even then, they really weren’t valued.  The writing was on the wall, younger, disposable workers were obviously preferred.  Older workers were not.  Some tried to apply out to other jobs and were continually blocked and demoralized into submission, sometimes only for the company to accrue enough “evidence” to finally let them go.

It was, and still is a horrible tragedy and a gross waste of human talent and potential.

I saw the writing on the wall, and I found as time went on, I could not continue to watch and experience this sort of treatment of once valued human beings, who were only viewed as “numbers” now.   So yes, I finally got out, the hope that I would finally be seen again as a valuable employee finally left me altogether.  I decided to go back to school and learn a new skill, web development.  Of course, I still second guess myself, could I have made it work?  But my husband can answer that question for you, he says that I am finally smiling again, I am no longer a bare wire.  That it is so nice that I am not so hyper vigilant with fear and paranoia anymore, that less money is better than living with that again.

So how do you motivate people to work for you, to give you their absolute best?  I am lucky, I also experienced this at that very same company years earlier.  Respect, simple respect is all it takes.  I had bosses that demonstrated just that, bosses who respected our talents and contributions, but also realized as humans we would have our off days, and that was ok, because most days were on.  Bosses I came to respect so much that had they asked me to clean a toilet, I would have, because they were the type of bosses who would never ask you to do something they themselves would not do.

I guess that is my litmus test.  That is the type boss that I would aspire to be, to motivate with pure respect and to not ask my employees to do things I myself wouldn’t be willing to do if necessary.

 

My Thought for the Day…March 6, 2019

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not part of your destiny.”

-Steve Maraboli