Tag Archives: uniquely you

Fix the Environment…My Thought for the Day…June 10, 2019

fix the environment suzygoebel.com/blog
June 7, 2019

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”
Alexander Den Heijer


Fix the Environment?

So, I am intimately acquainted with this quote.  I have been in many situations where, I, the flower, was not blooming as I should.  And the remedy was always to fix me, the flower, rather than address the possibility that the environment might not be the best for me.

I have not had the easiest time in my professional life, or personal life for that matter!  I recently sought help from the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation.  DVR is a state agency tasked with helping people with disabilities find and keep employment.  I have a long history of major depression which makes me eligible for services from them, so I thought, why not?  Maybe they can help me.  I brought up to my counselor that I thought I might be bipolar, and I didn’t think depression was the only thing going on.  She agreed and authorized a comprehensive psychological assessment.

So, I have had these assessments before, but stupid me always lied on them, because, well, I didn’t want to be crazy.  So, this time, I decided to be fully honest and answer all the questions to the best of my ability, since I am not getting any younger or any better for that matter.  If anything, certain struggles are getting worse as I get older.

Results

Last week Thursday was my follow up appointment to get the findings.  Turns out, I am both bipolar AND autistic!!  High functioning autism to be clear (formerly known as Asperger’s Syndrome), I sure didn’t see that coming.  But it does make a lot of sense.  It is unfortunate I didn’t find this out when I was younger so I could better address the issues and problems my conditions present.

I’m still in a little shock.  A little sad.  Ok a lot of sad.  I feel I have wasted my life at this point, just floundering on the beach like a washed-up fish.  A little scared too.  Not that this diagnosis really changes anything, I am still the person I always was, and it is not a death sentence.  But I am finally realizing I will most likely never be successful in the world of work and no matter how intelligent and how much education I get.  I am just not able to cope with professional situations the way most people are.

I can ‘chameleon’ for only so long, then I get exhausted and the masks come off. I need more time off than most due to this disorder, and most people can’t understand that.  Even my husband doesn’t understand my need for downtime, or I lose it and melt down.  At least I know why I meltdown now!

We all know meltdowns at work are never a good thing.  I believe the longest job I ever held was only due to the large amount of vacation time I had which I also needed to supplement with unpaid time off (FMLA).  Which obviously raised many an eyebrow and hindered my ability to move on to other positions.

Next Steps…

So, where do I go from here?  I am not sure yet.  The doctor said my DVR counselor is really good and can help me immensely, hopefully, this is the case!  Now, I will just start researching more about what it means to be on the autism spectrum and how to cope with that.  I will try to fix my environment because I guess there is no way to fix me!  And maybe have a drink or 3.

I also now know why I was bullied at school and at work.  So, to all the people out there that have ever thought I was off or weird, I guess you were right!  I am going to have to learn to be proud to say…

 

 

So suck it!

Believe in Yourself…My Thought for the Day…May 15, 2019

Believe in Yourself suzygoebel.com/blog
May 15, 2019

“Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you can imagine.”
-Roy T. Bennett


Believe in Yourself

Why is it so hard to be able to believe in yourself and what you are capable of?  I struggle with this daily.  Is it because I am too much in my head?  Do I think too much about how much braver I wish I could be, or where my talents and capabilities might be lacking in this moment?

Most of us will experience a lack of faith in our abilities from time to time.  It is normal and human.  But some of us, myself included, become somewhat paralyzed by this while others can brush it off and move forward.

There is no point in wishing we could be braver.  The only solution is to just be braver.  So, now you might be saying, ‘well, that’s my problem, thanks for your crap solution!’  I guess my point is to get out of your head and just do it, which is cliché but appropriate.

The reason some people can brush off their doubts and fears is because they don’t think about them too much.  The more you think about them, the more weight you give to them, and the harder they are to overcome.   I believe it is called ‘paralysis by analysis.’

Have you ever gone ahead and done something you didn’t think you could do?  Do you remember the amazing feeling after you accomplished it?  Draw on that!  Sometimes we just need to plunge ahead and have faith that all will work out.   And it usually does in one way or another.  Granted not always the way we had hoped, but usually to our benefit in the long run.

 

My Thought for the Day…April 3, 2019…Your Calling

suzygoebel.com/blog
April 3, 2019

“Your calling isn’t something that somebody can tell you about. It’s what you feel. It is the thing that gives you juice. The thing that you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that it is. You know it inside yourself.”

Oprah Winfrey


Your Calling

I have always admired those who knew what their calling was and were doing it.  I have been on a mad search for mine for as long as I can remember.  “That thing that gives you juice.”

The only thing I ever remember giving me “the juice” was creating something visual, drawing, painting, sculpture, digital art.  I am hesitant to call it art, I guess, but that is my own baggage…

That was the place where I was happiest and would find I would lose time.  Forget to eat and drink even.  But I had long since written that off as something “acceptable,” that I could actually do for a living.

I now find creating these graphics for this blog gives me immense pleasure and satisfaction, now if I can just find a way to make them pay the bills!

Have a great Wednesday!

 

My Thought for the Day…March 30, 2019…Shine On!

“Well we all shine one, like the moon and the stars and the sun.”
John Lennon

Shine On!

A song for Saturday.

Have a great weekend!

My Thought for the Day…March 12, 2019

“Find out who you are and be that person.  That’s what your soul was put on this earth to be.

Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.”

-Ellen DeGeneres

Easier said than done, but something I aspire to everyday!  I do find that I really enjoy creating this inspirational and motivational media.  It satifies me on multiple fronts.

Seeking out the quotes satifies the researcher in me.  Creating the finished piece satifies the artist in me.  And releasing it to the world in hopes that it brightens someone’s day satifies something I cannot quite name.  Maybe it satifies my soul, maybe I am finaly geting a clue to what I am here to do.

Have a great day!

 

My Thought for the Day…March 3, 2019 (posted March 4, 2019)

“Be youself, everyone else is already taken.”

-Oscar Wilder

I chose this quote for today because sometimes we all need that reminder that we are sufficient the way we are.  Sure we all have areas we can improve, but trying to be or act like someone else, someone you think the world needs or wants is not needed.

The world needs YOU, and your unique talents and personality just the way you are.